An Akatsuki Day
by Dark and Chaotic
Summary: Itachi and Kisame's ordinary day as a ninja pair from the Akatsuki. One shot. Extracted moments from my story Moons of Red, edited to make it a one shot.
1. Chapter 1

Sometimes things happened in ways that were beyond a mortal's comprehension. If only one Uchiha Itachi knew what would be ahead of him, what would change his destiny forever... But he didn't and that was why he could be found on his way to Amegakure along with his partner, one Hoshigaki Kisame.

It was a curious day, to say the least. Kisame and Itachi were on their way to give a bounty to a nearby village when he first got the feeling something was going to be off today. Naturally, no too soon than a few hours later, their Leader contacted them via their rings and informed them that they were to return to Ame as soon as possible. Kisame seemed to be a bit disappointed at the prospect of returning to Ame - that meant one thing. Whatever the reason for being called back, they usually had to hang out in there for at least a week before heading out again. And that meant no fighting for Kisame. He would then spar with any Akatsuki member he could get his hands on. That time he found Deidara had been an interesting event. The young bomber had a knack for throwing off Kisame as he was almost constantly dropping bombs left and right. For some reason the blonde boy had a grudge against the Uchiha and Itachi couldn't care less, which further increased the ire of the hot headed bomber artist.

He had sparred with his blue-skinned partner and he could say only one thing- the smiling demon shark was nothing less than bloodthirsty and ruthless. And he loved battles. The harder the opponents, the better.

'We're almost there, Kisame-san.' Itachi stated as they approached the gates of a small village.

'Good, because this body is really starting to stink, Itachi-san.' Kisame made a disgusted grimace and adjusted the body yet again on his shoulder.

The body was only a good few hours cold but Kisame's nose was better than probably all of the nin dogs in Konoha, which alone proved to be one of the few things to get the smile off the blue man's face. God forbid someone passed gas in a three mile radius of Kisame and had some really hot curry for his last meal. He remembered the consequences. An entire village was destroyed.

Even though Kisame was extremely animalistic some times, he was somewhat pleasant company for the silent Uchiha. That being said, Kisame was a pleasant company when he wasn't trying to get Itachi drunk, laid, high or all of them together. Kisame had a somewhat twisted sense of humour that sometimes brought Itachi to wit's end. Like that first time he got completely smashed and woke up with a beautiful woman twice his age. And he was bloody 13. Or that time when he had managed to spike his poky and he ended up destroying a village because he became super paranoid. Aside from those less than glorious moments, Kisame was a pleasant company. Or at least Itachi tried to think of him as such, especially when even he, the god of deadpan, was at his break point due to something Kisame was trying to 'gank' him with.

Akatsuki were the finest of the finest. But even they had their...well... bad moments. It was one of the reasons why they were paired up in such a way. All of them had their quirks. For example, there was this time when Itachi had gone on a mission with Kakuzu. Things were going super smooth until Kakuzu's frenzy went out of control and the two of them nearly killed each other, given that Itachi stopped the battle with a Mangekyuu, but the older ninja had more experience than him and thus Itachi was not unscathed. Deidara would never be given a mission with Itachi, even if their skills actually complemented each other. Deidara hated Itachi's guts to the point of self destruction. Literally.

Itachi went alone in the underground morgue where the bounty would be gathered, as per usual. Kisame was probably in some brothel, enthralling young prostitutes with his size and muscles. As strange as it sounded, Kisame was popular with women. It was one of the things that Itachi dubbed as 'female things that I don't understand'. And since he went through puberty as a missing nin...well, those things covered a lot of ground. It was a given that he was the god of deadpan. He was also incredibly patient, but the god of Patience was Leader-sama, as he managed to stay completely cool even when the newest member- Hidan, would go out of his way to insult Leader in every way possible. One of his more memorable comments were along the lines of 'Scat-Meister, Golden Rain Maker, Pin-cushion Uke and the ever-popular Bent Kunai remark, aka Kunai Bender'.

And so, as Itachi retrieved the reward from the bounty, he also received a small note, probably from Jiraiya, in which he was given the mission in Ame. Of course, as stated in the beginning of this chapter, Itachi had no idea that the events that would come were going to change his destiny. And so, he was actually glad for once that said hidden mission was on his way and was actually going to be an easy one.

True to his suspicion, Kisame was in the local brothel, surrounded by half naked women, giggling like school girls at his manliness.

To Kisame's utter mystery, Itachi was also popular with women. He had the dark and mysterious thing going on. But Kisame found Itachi to be rather girly looking, to Itachi's utter annoyance, but of course, Kisame stated nowadays that after a few more years he would look a wee bit more masculine and that at least people would not mistake him for a flat-chested girl.

If Itachi was the type, he would have sweat dropped. But instead, he ignored Kisame's statements. Funny thing was that Kisame was actually sympathetic of Itachi's so called predicament. And so he tried to make him as manly as possible. That involved hard liquor and nasty women. Itachi would be more than grateful if Kisame kept his nose in his own busyness, but we all know how sensitive Kisame's nose is. So Itachi was sort of stuck with his... sympathetic animalistic large blue skinned, shark-looking partner of his.

And so, Itachi tried to convince Kisame that their mission was more important than women. After some half an hour, Itachi was well on his way to being completely smashed, while a lovely brunette was sitting on his lap and whispering dirty things in his ear. He would regret the hang over the next morning, especially when his Sharingan induced head aches were more than enough.

Then again, this event was not as horrid as the time when he had a duo mission with Kakuzu and his partner, the one before Hidan. Kisame had managed to get both him and Kakuzu's now long dead partner drunk, and, to top it all off, Leader-sama had contacted them. What could Itachi say? Leader-sama had the uncanny ability to contact them via their rings in the most inopportune moments ever. Of course Leader-sama had to contact them in that particular moment.

Kakuzu, who also heard the conversation that transpired with the two drunken Missing nin and one happy blue Akatsuki, barged in to see his partner give Leader-sama the finger. Naturally Kakuzu was this close to go completely nuts. The delicate situation escalated into a full blown cataclysm when Kakuzu's partner tipped the waitress. Yet another small village completely obliterated from the face of the planet.

It seemed that Akatsuki had plenty of those...

The next morning Itachi was in a definite foul mood due to the hang over, while Kisame was as fresh as a daisy ( was he ever anything less?). It was due to Kisame's sensitive nose that allowed the blue man to register Itachi's disposition. Of course, Kisame had to rub it in.

'Itachi-san, isn't it a lovely sunny morning? You should take off the hat to enjoy a bit of sun. I doubt you would see any in Ame.'

'Hn.'

Of course, Kisame just HAD to rub it in. It was early morning and the sun was still low enough to annoy the hung over Uchiha, even if his hat was so low.

Kisame grinned a sharp toothy grin at his partner. He was probably one of the few people that dared to joke with the Uchiha. Itachi appreciated it, given his dreadful task, but he appreciated it when he felt a bit more content. Right now he wanted nothing less than to use his Sharingan on Kisame to get him to shut up. Luckily, Kisame knew his partner's limits. And so he did not give the Uchiha a reason to death glare him. Smiling was not enough a reason, tee hee. And Kisame exploited that to Itachi's annoyance.


	2. Sasori and Deidara

Sasori & Deidara

Akasuna no Sasori was a man of short temper and also a man who hated Tardiness. And right now he hated Deidara's humanly mortal needs, especially the need to take a dump. They were what? One day away from Amegakure and Deidara just had to eat that last bit of the funky-smelling onigiri which he had in one of his pockets with questionable hygiene. Now both of them were suffering the consequences. AH how Sasori hated waiting or procrastinating in general.

He was so tempted to stab Deidara with Hiruko's tail. He thought against it when he heard another one of Deidara's painful moans. Sasori smirked a bit. His blonde friend got what he deserved.

"Serves you right, brat."

"Don't be so mean, Sasori-Danna, un." His blonde companion answered sternly.

Deidara was crouching behind a bush for over 45 minutes, suffering from what Sasori believed to be diarrhea. Being a puppet meant that he didn't have to end up in such a situation. And being an Akatsuki meant one had to be smart enough to AVOID such a humiliating situation. The brat was still young and despite being an extraordinary ninja, in fact good enough to join Akatsuki, he also had a lot to learn. Like not to eat spoiled food.

Finally, after what seemed forever to Sasori, Deidara emerged from the bushes, buttoning his pants. He took his Akatsuki cloak from atop of Hiruko and put it on. People don't take dumps with their cloaks/ coats/ robes/ etc on.

"Deidara, this has been our fifth stop for today. If you have to go one more time I swear I'll turn you into art eternal, weather you like it or not."

"My art will be better than yours, Danna, because true art is a bang, un." Deidara exclaimed indignantly, not having anything else to say to contradict Sasori.

Sasori did not reply and merely continued forward. He was ignoring his blond brat of a partner. Deidara, known for having a short temper, gritted his teeth.

"Ne, Danna! Wait up, un!" he yelled as he ran to catch up to him.

Several hours and three more stops later, Sasori knew that they were already late. And that alone made him spiffier than usual. Oh joy for poor Deidara. Actually he would've killed the blond but he seemed rather pale and not well at all. Even the lips of his hand-mouths seemed dry. At least he had enough heart not to bother Deidara further about it. Sasori gave credit to the kid for at least trying to take it like a man, but what person could take dumping like the way poor Deidara did like a man?

Being a puppet really had its perks.

"Brat. We had to be at Leader-sama's office an hour ago. You know how I hate it when I wait or somebody waits for me."

"Its not my fault the stupid onigiri was funky, un!"

"Actually it was."

"And what do you want me to do about it? Make a clay bird and fly us over, Danna, un!" Deidara was also getting angry.

Sasori abruptly stopped. How hadn't they thought about it earlier? Making flying clay birds to transport them swiftly. It was a perfect idea. Not that he was going to tell the brat that. He would never live it down.

"Is there something, Danna, un?" Deidara asked, looking about suspiciously, trying to find any danger.

"Actually, Deidara." Sasori started. Hiruko's head turned towards Deidara and they shared a glance, Scorpion tail swishing idly. "There is."

Sasori had really thought that Deidara would get the hint. No, really. He was almost 100 percent sure he was. Deidara was just standing there waiting. After five minutes of silence, the blond could hear Sasori's exasperated sigh.

"Make a Clay Bird, brat." The puppet master hinted. Wrong move.

Deidara's eyes widened. Was it possible? Had the infamous Aka Suna no Sasori finally administered his art?

"I knew you would see it my way, un." He said happily. In a tone that actually disturbed Sasori. What was wrong with that kid? He just didn't get it. And neither did Deidara. But it had been only a year of being partners. They had a long way to go when it came to synchronizing how their team worked.

"Deidara?"

"Yeah, un?"

"You're an idiot."


End file.
